After reading Mr.Holtzman's post(I did read it! Too bad that I was on my phone, trying to comment but didn't work out well), this one just popped out of my head. I never wanted to bring this up again, but this could be best and the only story for the blog topic. Before giving away the story, I swear, I've never told this to anyone else, but you will be the first one to read it.
It's goes back to last year in Chicago, again. As it was my first year in USA, I wasn't as bright as now I am back then. It was my first time living with someone else other than my family, and of course I was even more scared because they weren't Korean, but American. There was another boy same age with me, called Logan, in my new (host)family. Having different cultures and lacking of comprehension skills held my back from getting to know him. I never get to have chance to get along with him. He sometimes offered me to play PS2 with him, but the awkwardness didn't get away.
For the first few months, I started to adjust to school but my family was different. For me, for some reason, it was so hard for me to approach them and hang out. It wasn't that they were mean. No, they were so nice, even nicer than my real parents. I stayed in my room forever after school, and crawl out in the morning have some breakfast and leave for school. I felt so awkward with the situation that I was placed. Talking to them was hard. I don't know how Americans feel about this, but as an English learner as second language, we feel embarrassed when we talk to native speakers because of our accents and grammatical errors. After experiencing some awkward situations -like not understand what each other's saying- I believe I had a kind of phobia. At school, I could just talk to my friends and if they don't understand? I'm just like screw you, never mind. Or even when they talk to me or ask me something, I don't understand? I just smile at them and everything was okay(Well, just once case that one girl wanted to know me and I didn't speak much words, just smiled then she thought I was ignoring her).
So, that was the build-up. I was a smart(I doubt it now) and funny Asian kid at school, but at home, I was a shy and poor Asian exchange student, who never talks nor understand what they say.
One day, I brought a chocolate to the school. At lunch, I ate a half of it, and I wrapped up the other half, put it in my pocket. I never expected, but at the end of the day, I found out the chocolate had melted in my pocket. It was disgusting. I went back home, changed to my shorts and while doing that, I found out the chocolate smeared half of my white underwear through my jeans. I was absolutely positive that the smudge will be gone when I laundry it.
The next day, I completely forgot about it. I was in my room, either playing games or doing my homework and there goes my embarrassment. Logan knocked on the door, delivering the folded clothes. He didn't bring my underwear and I didn't ask him about that because I never put it in my mind. After about five minutes, he knocked on the door again. As soon as I opened the door, I saw his puzzled face. Well, he was barely not holding my underwear. The dark chocolate never went away, and it even made it look more like a real poop. I tried to say something, I mean I couldn't have let it go. I was 15 and I had to prove that I don't poop in my pants at least not in my underwear! I was panicked. Thousands of different thoughts crossed my mind in a mere second but the only word came through my lips was "What the..." I slowly picked it up from his hand, pinky out. Referring to the tone and my reaction, he would've thought something like, he probably(definitely) pooped in the underwear and expected it to be gone and but was wrong, being shocked and embarrassed in front of me. I didn't have chance to explain it. I was hoping really bad, 'Goddammit! You HAVE TO ask me what is wrong with my underwear with a laughing face, RIGHT NOW! I will explain it, I will!'
He did not.
He just walked out to wherever he was. My head was blank and face was burning. He might have forgotten about that but for me, I had to try my best to forget that. Then, I never had chance to get along with him, just because I was still embarrassed and it made me nervous.
Just in case you might be reading it, Logan, it wasn't poop, I swear.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Blog Post#3 Things might happen in Chicago.
I usually took the bus to go to school and comeback home, but on that day, I found myself having no money on my possession and ended up waiting for Chris, who was my host dad from last year in Chicago, at the bus-stop to pick me up at 8 o'clock, when it only was about 6 and a half. "Look, Chris! I DO have my wallet! It was deep in my book bag!" I shouted out loud in the car, as holding up my wallet. The biggest laughter ever.
It was the day before that he picked me up from the bus-stop. I and my friends were heading to the bus-stop together after the tennis practice. On the street that was close to the school, one kid-seemed like our school student and later found out, yes, he was- came up to one of my friends, John, and asked for a change of $10. John stopped and pulled out his wallet and tried to get 2 $5s while three of us(me and my friends) were keep walking. We had to turn around to see what was going on when John shouted 'Ow!'. What we saw next was that the kid, now becoming a mugger, snatching the wallet from John's hand and slowly walking towards us. Well, everything was so slow, but the slowest thing was my brain. Because John looked so calm and was saying "Hey, can I have it back, I mean, my wallet, dude." as slowly following him, I thought they were just kidding and know each other. But the thing just got real when he passed by me and whispered, "Fuck off". Then my brain briefed, 'Hey! John just got robbed!'. I see. I tried to chase the at least 6-foot-tall black guy, but ended up stopping myself when I saw him turning into a corner and there goes about 5~6 guys smoking something.
The next day, I walked to the bus-stop alone after practice. I was so sensitive and nervous from the yesterday's fresh real situation. I safely got to the bus-stop, I still had about 10 minutes till the next bus comes. Therefore, I went into the nearby Walgreens and tried to get some snacks. When I walked in and saw three kids from my school, -I guess they were coming back from their football practice- keep glancing at me while whispering each other. I felt it. They were going to do something to me. I just kept walking around till they get out, just in case I misunderstood and they were not going to do anything, but hopefully just making fun of me or something. No, things were getting real. They kept following me for 15 minutes and all of a sudden, I found them gone. I felt so alive and walked to the cashier to pay for my M&M's. Well, then I was freaked out when I tried to get out my wallet from my bag, and saw them waiting for me by the door. 'Oh, God! Why me?' My heart was racing, my face got all red, my hands and stomach, even my jaw cramped. I thought to myself. 'If I take out my wallet right here, they will try to get me when I get out.' So what was the safest way? My brain worked pretty quickly. Quicker than any other time in my life. The point was not to let them know that I know what they will do. Therefore, I needed a safe way to get out of the building. Staying in the building and asking for help might have helped but that would've drawn too much attention and I couldn't assume that I might be safe at school. Here comes my Hollywood action. As I started crazily digging my bag to pretend finding my wallet, I exaggerated to make them notice me having no wallet. Well, I did it for pretty long time-or maybe I felt each second as hours and hours- but they still were waiting but looked a bit concerned. Then my last punchline burst out of my mouth. I said it as loud as I could. "Well! I'm sorry, sir! I DON'T THINK I HAVE MONEY RIGHT NOW, I might have left it at school." I was right. I secretly glanced at them over my shoulder and saw them going, "Well," "Shit," "……." as leaving the building. I slowly packed my bag again, and walked out like a boss.
The problem was that, I seriously couldn't find my wallet even after that. I really might'd left it at school. I didn't feel like going back to school. Not only were the streets too dangerous at night but also I was sure the security guards won't let me in. I called Chris, asked if he could pick me up. He told me that I had to wait till 8 P.M, since he was not home yet. That moment, waiting for the ride, was the time having the most mingled feelings of joy and sorrow ever. However, I found myself being the real winner when I eventually grabbed the wallet deep inside the bag in the car.
Well, I'm still confused. May I consider it as the luckiest day or a mere bad day?
It was the day before that he picked me up from the bus-stop. I and my friends were heading to the bus-stop together after the tennis practice. On the street that was close to the school, one kid-seemed like our school student and later found out, yes, he was- came up to one of my friends, John, and asked for a change of $10. John stopped and pulled out his wallet and tried to get 2 $5s while three of us(me and my friends) were keep walking. We had to turn around to see what was going on when John shouted 'Ow!'. What we saw next was that the kid, now becoming a mugger, snatching the wallet from John's hand and slowly walking towards us. Well, everything was so slow, but the slowest thing was my brain. Because John looked so calm and was saying "Hey, can I have it back, I mean, my wallet, dude." as slowly following him, I thought they were just kidding and know each other. But the thing just got real when he passed by me and whispered, "Fuck off". Then my brain briefed, 'Hey! John just got robbed!'. I see. I tried to chase the at least 6-foot-tall black guy, but ended up stopping myself when I saw him turning into a corner and there goes about 5~6 guys smoking something.
The next day, I walked to the bus-stop alone after practice. I was so sensitive and nervous from the yesterday's fresh real situation. I safely got to the bus-stop, I still had about 10 minutes till the next bus comes. Therefore, I went into the nearby Walgreens and tried to get some snacks. When I walked in and saw three kids from my school, -I guess they were coming back from their football practice- keep glancing at me while whispering each other. I felt it. They were going to do something to me. I just kept walking around till they get out, just in case I misunderstood and they were not going to do anything, but hopefully just making fun of me or something. No, things were getting real. They kept following me for 15 minutes and all of a sudden, I found them gone. I felt so alive and walked to the cashier to pay for my M&M's. Well, then I was freaked out when I tried to get out my wallet from my bag, and saw them waiting for me by the door. 'Oh, God! Why me?' My heart was racing, my face got all red, my hands and stomach, even my jaw cramped. I thought to myself. 'If I take out my wallet right here, they will try to get me when I get out.' So what was the safest way? My brain worked pretty quickly. Quicker than any other time in my life. The point was not to let them know that I know what they will do. Therefore, I needed a safe way to get out of the building. Staying in the building and asking for help might have helped but that would've drawn too much attention and I couldn't assume that I might be safe at school. Here comes my Hollywood action. As I started crazily digging my bag to pretend finding my wallet, I exaggerated to make them notice me having no wallet. Well, I did it for pretty long time-or maybe I felt each second as hours and hours- but they still were waiting but looked a bit concerned. Then my last punchline burst out of my mouth. I said it as loud as I could. "Well! I'm sorry, sir! I DON'T THINK I HAVE MONEY RIGHT NOW, I might have left it at school." I was right. I secretly glanced at them over my shoulder and saw them going, "Well," "Shit," "……." as leaving the building. I slowly packed my bag again, and walked out like a boss.
The problem was that, I seriously couldn't find my wallet even after that. I really might'd left it at school. I didn't feel like going back to school. Not only were the streets too dangerous at night but also I was sure the security guards won't let me in. I called Chris, asked if he could pick me up. He told me that I had to wait till 8 P.M, since he was not home yet. That moment, waiting for the ride, was the time having the most mingled feelings of joy and sorrow ever. However, I found myself being the real winner when I eventually grabbed the wallet deep inside the bag in the car.
Well, I'm still confused. May I consider it as the luckiest day or a mere bad day?
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